SPIRITUAL MIGRATIONS

WALKING THE PATH
By J. Alison Hilber

            Despite the plentitude of machine gun fire and exploding glass buildings, The Matrix is a movie that also has a strong and well-defined spiritual theme.  Basically, it is about being faced with obstacles that force you to define who you believe yourself to be and then finding the strength and courage to BE it.  It is a line from this movie that inspired the title of this article:  “Knowing the path is different from walking the path.”  It is no coincidence (as nothing is) that I recently watched bits and pieces of this movie every time it appeared on television over the course of a month.  Why I was so drawn to seeing it over and over was a puzzle to me, but it didn’t stop me from seeking it out whenever I saw it in the TV guide.  It wasn’t long before I was offered some clarity on the matter.  Bear with me.

            On the Thursday evening before Solstice, I attended a women’s restorative yoga celebration during which we acknowledged the goodness of the light AND the dark, and the perfection and necessity of both in our lives.  In closing the circle, we shared a blessing, to which we were invited to add our own thoughts:  “may I be happy, may I be peaceful, may I be free.”  I added “may I be loving.”  I hadn’t thought about it, it just was what I wished, not only for myself but for everyone else as well.  It seemed that to be more loving would facilitate the happiness, peace and freedom.  It was a powerful meditation for me.

            In the book Friendship with God, Neale Donald Walsch contends that whenever we define how we wish to be in the world, we are immediately presented with contrast to help clarify the truth of our desire.  So it should have come as no shock to me that the day following the Solstice celebration, an event occurred which resulted in a rather venomous, unprovoked verbal attack on me.  The tirade shocked me and, although the other person created the conflict, she refused the confrontation, so I was in the dark about what wrong she thought I had perpetrated.  Besides dismay and confusion, my immediate response was anger, provoked not just by this incident, but by the pattern of behavior it represented.  I said nothing to her for, besides there being no opportunity, I also knew it would be useless considering the level of anger on both sides.   I did, instead, seethe…not just in the moment, but for most of the four days of the holiday.  I found myself in constant self-dialogue, conjuring up all o the equally venomous things with which I could retaliate in self-defense.  Always within this dialogue, however, was another voice saying “why are you letting this person disrupt the peace of your life?  Why are you taking this in so deeply when you know that it is about her and not you?”

            After two days of relentless bickering in my head, the truth finally dawned: I was taking it so seriously because it WAS about me.  She had definitely created the conflict, but my reactions to her were completely my own.  She was, indeed, the Universe’s expression of contrast in my life.  Had I not just the night before contended that I wished to be more loving in the world?  Did it not make perfect sense, then, that I would be faced immediately with a situation that one could easily convince themselves deserved retaliation?  Another tent of Friendship with God is “every act is an act of self-definition.”  Having taken this edict to heart in recent months, I was faced with this choice:  to respond from my ego, with full justification, or to respond from loving compassion, with no justification except that it is who I choose to be.  Which response did I want to define me?

            I rarely struggle anymore with knowing what I believe or how I want to be.  My challenge comes in remaining centered and self-loving enough to actually BE that which I believe and want.  It has become crystal clear to me that, whereby my first 50 years were about learning my path, my next 50 years are slated to be about walking my path.  However, most of us know that it is not an easy transition to make.  The ego can be extraordinarily seductive when one is attacked, especially when it is seemingly undeserved.  But the ego is only interested in being right; the soul is interested in being happy.  The majority of people choose to sacrifice happiness for being right because being right feels really good for a few minutes.  But when being right results in the continuation of a tense, spiteful, hateful, contentious situation, then what good can come from it?  Besides, perception is reality, so my idea of right isn’t necessarily anyone else’s.  I profess to believe in leading form the soul, not the ego, so what was I going to do here?  Was I going to follow the easy path of returning venom with venom, a path I knew I was fully capable of walking, or was I going to look deep inside myself and find the compassion necessary to understand the fear and misery from which the attack was born and a way to respond from a loving space?  After all, I thought, if I talk about my path but am unable to do the actual work, then all I am is a chatter box with nothing real to offer myself or others.

            It is so very easy to be loving to those I love and who love me back.  However, I know that being loving toward those who are irritating, annoying, contrary, angry, hateful or bitter is a much more difficult task, especially if it’s aimed at me.  I am much more likely to be lured into a place of defensiveness and retaliation, which only furthers the conflict and rarely allows for figuring out the true motives involved.  I do believe in justice, but justice can be achieved without vengeance.  I can establish boundaries and hold people responsible for their actions without making them bad people and without taking any of it personally.  This does not mean I have to invite them into my fold of intimate connections.  It merely requires that I try to hold them in a vessel of compassion and understanding for whatever pain and fear causes them to be in the space they are.

            Journeying through this event also solidified another of my philosophies which must be walked as well as talked… living in gratitude.  That means being grateful for everything, no matter how unfair or unwarranted or tragic or painful it may be.  Rather than making myself the victim of this woman’s acting out, it was more productive and loving to accept it with gratitude for what it taught me about myself and the choices it forced me to clarify.  Once I realized that I was obsessing over the incident not because it was so unfair, but because the Universe had presented it as a necessary tool on my path of continued self-knowledge, I laughed and cried.  It was a relief and a joyous revelation! 

            Of course since this incident occurred several years ago, I have also come to understand that whatever is happening in my life is a match to something in my energy vibration.  So, I would have to also admit that I either expected this to happen (which is probably true) or pushed against this person so much that only her horrid and hateful side could be seen by me (which is probably also true).  I have since learned that, although the actions I take after such an incident are important, it is more productive to change my actions and thoughts beforehand, in such a way that there is no way I could ever be the target of that attitude.

            Understanding the difference between know the path and walking the path is a daily practice that is important both personally and professionally. Those of us who choose to help others on their journeys must be especially vigilant about doing our own work.  We must take responsibility for our own path before we can proffer any assistance to others.  Clarity about our own motives, defenses and ego is essential to reducing the amount of projection we give off and take in.  We teach what we most need to learn and the best way to teach is by example.  The more time I spend facilitating with others, the more time I must spend doing the same work myself.  In all circumstances of my life, it is no longer enough just to know the path; I must always endeavor to walk the path.

January 7, 2002
Revised: September 28, 2007

YOU are the reason that the sun came up today. Surely then you can see how you're worthy...of all else!

(www.tut.com)
 

FROM SELF LOVE FLOWS ALL THE GOODNESS OF THE UNIVERSE.

 -- J. Alison Hilber